Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
Randomize
