oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
Randomize
