ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
Randomize
