By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
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