i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
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