I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
Randomize
