walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
Randomize
