Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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