capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
She announced her abortion via fbk
why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
Randomize
