i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
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