some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
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