I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
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