I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
Randomize
