i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
Randomize
