fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
I'm not sure, 7-8, the last bit was a rush of at least three blended together. Basically you fucked me so stupid that I can't even recall the number of orgasms.
So you know, I'm making that my facebook status.
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
Randomize
