I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
Randomize
