I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
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