I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
Randomize
