Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
Randomize
