Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
Randomize
