When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
She looked like Sean Connery with cleft lip. So to answer your question, yes I put it in her butt.
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Randomize
