yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Randomize
