i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
Randomize
