Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
It was confusing and full of hummus
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
Randomize
