I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
its liver damage thursday
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
Randomize
