I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
