Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
She just used a chaser for red wine.
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
Randomize
