ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
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