weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
