i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
Randomize
