k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
COCAINE IS GR8
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
Do you think Root Touch Up or Just for Men would work better on pubes?
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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