you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
pray to the hookup gods
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
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