I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
Randomize
