So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
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