My first STD was from a foam party
i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
Randomize
