I faked an abortion last night.
hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
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