I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
she was licking his armpits.
asian porn is just fucking weird. End of story.
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
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