my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
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