I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
somebody snuck up and got me drunk
i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
Randomize
