I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
Randomize
