I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
Randomize
