I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
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