When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
her facebook's as public as her vagina
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
Randomize
