I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
A+ Viking dick
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
Randomize
