wake up i wanna do it froggy style
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
Randomize
