Question. A woman tells her guy she's on birth control. Stops taking it to have a kid to force the guy to be responsible and with her. What rights does that guy have
None he's f-d
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
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