he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
Randomize
