I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
Randomize
