I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
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