I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
Randomize
