im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
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