and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
Randomize