i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
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