I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
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