If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize
