I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
Randomize
