oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
Randomize
