i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
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