Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
Randomize
