The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
After going down on me he either said "there, it's over" or "there's an odor"... I couldn't hear him and was too embarrassed to ask him to repeat himself. I just got dressed, grabbed my bag, and left. So I don't think there's gunna be a second date. =(
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
Randomize
