please come you make the beer taste better
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
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