Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
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