u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
Randomize
