All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
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