My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
Randomize
