He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
Randomize
