If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
Randomize
