I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
I haven't been this sober since birth.
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
Randomize
