My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
Randomize
