the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
Randomize