why do cheetos always look like penises
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
