you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
Randomize
