When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
Randomize
