so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
Randomize
