My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
Randomize