i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
Randomize
