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this should be fun to decipher. I'd like to buy a vowel.
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
Randomize
