The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
Randomize
